He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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