Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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