The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
