Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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