I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
