I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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