I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
