also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
