You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
