my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All the doctor said was why
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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