I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
