Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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