whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
