I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
