Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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