Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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