Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
