Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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