I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
