Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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