I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
