Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
