put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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