it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize