Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize