just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
