I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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