He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
