I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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