i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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