so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
