he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
