What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
