just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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