Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
me + whiskey = a bad person
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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