nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
