Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
