Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
