I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
