Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You made out with two different species that night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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