Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
