Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
