Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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