If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
