Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
