the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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