yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
