Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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