I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
