Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
