Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
