I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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