now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Blood and glitter go together right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think your dad took our porno
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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