I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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