dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
