Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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