The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
