wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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