it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
