I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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