I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
