my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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