Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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