I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
