Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
