Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
