This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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