Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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