Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
