I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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