highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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