Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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