oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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