Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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