its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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