I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
