I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
