I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
